we were discussing paradise lost today in civ lit, and spent ten minutes on adam and eve's first disagreement in the garden. he wanted to stay together, she thought they could get more done with the divide-and-conquer technique. against his better judgement they worked independently, and within a few hours, eve had eaten the forbidden fruit. now, if i were adam, i would have been a little more forceful with my words. i would have pulled rank in no time. i mean, this is a serious situation, and he rightly guessed that it would end badly if he let her go off alone. but he tells her...
"but if thou think trial unsought may find us both securer than thus warned thou seemest, go. for if thou stay, not free, absents thee more. go in thy native innocence, rely on what thou hast..."and he lets her go off and hurt herself. it was the only way he could love her. she had to be allowed to make her choice, and her forced presence wasn't what he was after. if her heart led her elsewhere, she was free to go. there's the old "if you love something, set it free" cliche, but i got something else entirely out of this. go with me on this one.

i've taken great care not to be "that girl". the one that ignores the good guy and goes for the jerk. the one that breaks hearts. the one that is fake or insensitive or takes guys for granted. my best friends have always been guys, and i've heard all kinds of stories about "that girl". i was determined NOT to be her. ever. but i think i've gone too far. sometimes, i have to be that girl. for instance, sometimes i can't go for the good guy, just because he's "the good guy". nobody ever gives him a chance, but that doesn’t make it my job. i’m tired of trying to save the world. i decided a while ago that it was worse to be too cold than too forgiving, but i'm realizing that neither extreme is a good place to be. i can have compassion, but i'm done making excuses and doing mental baby-ing. it would be great if more guys could just suck it up and be men. be strong. be kind. be compassionate. and i wish more women would do the same thing. but it isn't my job to excuse them when they aren't. forgive, but not excuse. i can choose to continue to be kind, i can show grace, but there's also a place for respect. our discussion in civ lit reminded me about individual responsibility. adam let eve exercise hers. it was the right thing to do, and he knew that ultimately he wasn't responsible for her actions. so if you choose to act like an ass, then i'll let you exercise your free will to do so. it's your right. i'll do my best to smile anyway. it's not my job to fix your problems.