i'm finally loving this year. all the drama that started it out - misty's breakup, my breakup, janna's transfer, my trips and interviews and acceptances and decisions - has been long over. i've pulled out all the weeds. what a semester of upheval it was. i really wasn't looking forward to coming back after christmas and trying to endure 4 more months of it. but it's all been so good, so really good. i'm even a little bit proud of myself. i'm seeing now some of the things i've learned from mistakes that i've made. it makes me regret them less. it makes me more comfortable admitting who i was when it's so clearly not who i now am. i love knowing that i am forgiven. i love knowing that i have fresh pages to write on. and that God uses my own foolishness to bring me strength and perspective. last time a guy pursued me, i had some strong doubts about the whole thing. but he was so sure, so confident, and i let him talk me into it. i wanted to be talked into it. but the things that i thought would happen, happened. and as dumb as i felt after it fell apart, i can see now how much that taught me. i have to respect my own voice a little more. by this time, last year's girl would be explaining away her doubts. this year, i am listening to myself again, trusting what my heart says. right now, it's saying "wait".