laying in the grass, looking up at the moon. are you listening? there's so much to say. thank you and i'm sorry and please all at the same time. my limbs feel heavy; i'm worn out today. thank you for twilight runs and cello music in my walkman, thank you for jordan, thank you for so many people that genuinely love me. sometimes i feel guilty when i think of all the things i have; i know some people have never really had someone care for them, and i have so many. you know i'd do more if i could. i'd fix the world, i'd love them all. i'm trying to do that in my little patch of life. thanks for all the mystery. i know i'll look back and tell great stories, but i can't say that it's comfortable to see one step, only one at a time, to never know where the next one will bring me. it's an adventure, a terrifying, thrilling one. i'm sorry i'm not always as brave as i could be. i just forget the point and get caught up in the details. i'm sorry it takes me so long to catch on to obvious things. and there's all these things inside me that i still don't understand, don't know how to express, don't know if they're good or bad, just that they are. how can things look so different from what they actually are? how much did i miss today because i wasn't paying attention? where's sweeny right now? i wonder if he can tell somehow that i know he's married. i wonder what was going through his head all those times we talked and he didn't tell me. and look at all this space, what's going to fill in here? or am i just supposed to be empty for a while, waiting for a while more. maybe i need that. but i'm tired, and these questions won't be answered tonight. i hope you don't mind me asking. i know you could answer if you wanted to. maybe when i sleep tonight you'll be sneaky, slip new faces into my dreams that aren't familiar yet. a pair of blue eyes, maybe? is that ridiculous? but if it is, sift that part out for me. forget i asked, the way you forget how far i am from where i want to be. put those words away as far as the east is from the west. in the seams between my dreams, paint a picture with your own colors. and when i rise with the dawn tomorrow, call me by name and give grace to the day's dance. call me by name, please. it's only you speaking my name that makes having a name worth anything at all.