sometimes, if you say something out loud too soon, you can scare it away. sometimes you scare it so far away that it never comes back. sometimes, though, it grows in that dark hidden place, and then next time you call its name, it's ready for you. timing really is everything, and worse, you can't make the right time happen. you can't convince the right time to come any sooner than it wants to. the best you can do is wait quietly with one ear to the wind and one ear to your heart. wait, and don't give in to those jaded doubts. wait, and believe that God is moving just out of view. wait, and when the day comes, you feel less surprised than you'd think, and more loved than you'd imagined. God really does take care of us, but we're scared by the amount of faith it takes to believe in Him. we get angry at movie reviews that spoil the plot, but we get angry at God when he refuses to do the same thing. He forces us into the mysteries and asks us to refuse fear and live the story, knowing that the timing is not ours but His. that brings me to this moment, after having lived with some fears, after having scared some growing things back into their hidden places. i have not messed anything up after all; God, knowing me, must have written a lot of growing space into my story. sometimes you speak too soon, and you get a second chance. sometimes, after you wait for a while, the time is right without you having to make it so. sometimes it all just works. sometimes...when you are not afraid to wait for it.