You have to find it. No one else can find it for you.
- Bjorn Borg

i feel low and frustrated. a close friend of mine is hurting in a way that i can't fix. she needs answers that she doesn't understand, and the answers i think i have might be to the wrong questions. life is just never simple like you want it to be, and God can be so elusive and silent when you need to hear from him the most. i want to make it better, but all i can do is pray, and that doesn't mean a whole lot to her right now. after all, she's been praying for a while, and nothing's getting any better.

i often wish that God were more predictable. if you put in a certain amount of time, you should receive a certain amount of blessings in return. prayers should be answered in letter form, with a few paragraphs of explanation for each "no" response. good people should not hurt; bad people should hurt more. but life's just not like that, and there's not much you can say to make that seem alright when you're in the middle of a free fall. we are promised that he cares, and that he is always with us, and that he will work "all things for good". but God's definition of good and ours do not always match up, and then we are simply left with faith. she is beginning to question faith, and i can't blame her. it's not an easy thing to have when your world is falling apart.

i've had my own dark and faithless nights, asked God to show himself, searched for a meaning in a pain that seemed meaningless. i found my answers, and they changed my life. but i can't find them for you, and i can't find them for her. everyone goes through that time where you really truly wonder what it's all about, anyway, and i think the conclusion you come to shapes who you will be forever after. and so, i am concerned. this is a crucial place for her, and i want to make her come through it with a willingness to accept life as it comes to her, to open her heart to a God that loves her and wants to give her more than just a steady boyfriend. but that might not happen, and i can do little but pray. i know that counts for a lot, but it feels like very little tonight.

perhaps, you could pray for her too.