easy

my heart only feebly attempts to connect, finds too much resistance at it's first push, and instead begs to retire for the night.

again.

as i've grown up, as more of my emotional needs are being met, i am less inclined to make a beeline for God, to throw myself into His arms, to spill over all the day's wonderings and worries and hurts. i love and hate this thicker skin i've grown. i am less whiny, but also less able to use that whiny-ness as a tool to get me to a place of surrender.

how much i miss that easy surrender.

how much harder to surrender what doesn't feel too heavy for me to bear alone.