we took down the christmas tree today. the same tree we hand-picked and carefully tied to the roof of my car, damn the paint, damn the cost, has been unceremoniously dumped by the side of my apartment building, naked. it was taking up a lot of space, and i am relieved to have it gone, and yet how sad to have christmas and the new year and vacation days all over. to dump the tree. to be back to work.
at work, i am following around 3 ENT doctors in an outpatient clinic. they occasionally ask me a question, which i probably get wrong. after all, i'm past the point of differentiation, past the choice of what to do with my life. i should just be happy for the numerous days off to finish up my interviews, the easy hours, but spending four hours a day following someone around silently is simply exhausting. it's better than the alternative, but i wish it were still christmas. i want more than a few days. i want weeks...months.
things are almost cleaned up. all the pine needles swept and thrown away, the ornaments (all still miraculously unbroken) packed in a box in the closet, the twinkle lights bound and put in storage. the apartment suddenly looks roomy, and i have suddenly stopped sneezing. all of these things are amazing, and yet...
i miss the tree. sigh.
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