the sex talk

i even took out some books from the parenting section of our church library on the subject. how do you warn girls who have less than two decades of life experience about the pitfalls of something they desperately want to try? how can you be convincing enough to get them to trust you, even when they can't possibly understand? how much can i really change by what i say? but i have to try. the talks didn't work for me, but maybe it will work for them.

i typed it all out in case i got nervous. i threw in a healthy dose of humor, but i realized that my story was what it was: mildly tragic and terribly unoriginal. just another girl who thought things would last forever, throwing her heart at another guy who didn't realize just what it would do to her. we all survive in the end, and the stories go on to better places. i can't complain. still, i fear that my huge, life-changing heartbreak is just another story to these girls, that they will only half hear me. they can't possibly understand. i know this.

i wrenched my soul to squeeze out every bit of remembering. i was as honest as i know how to be, which was unbelievably exhausting. my husband and i sat at our kitchen table at the end of the night, me with a spoon and a half gallon of peppermint ice cream. 'it went ok,' i said. 'you look beat,' he said.

in the end, the mistakes i've made haven't really cost me anything except some less-than-desirable memories. at the moment, i couldn't possibly be happier. laying in bed last night, i prayed that God was drilling the message home in the hearts of the girls i love. and yet, if He doesn't... if they make their own mistakes... maybe they will be ok, too.