making adjustments.

when i've had room mates in the past, at least i've had my own bedroom. except, i guess, in college, where i found it maddeningly hard to be alone. i did have that cove down by the flagpole, hidden from the quad by a low stone wall that nobody thought to look beyond. now, =i share even my bed with my new roommate-husband. we have a cozy one bedroom with just enough space, and i love it. there isn't "my" space or "his" space at all, and that has been just right until this weekend.

there are times when i'm starting to realize that even though i'm married, i'm still me, always needing that place to hide away. sometimes i'm too conscious that though this is my home, there are other places that have come before this one, places that i miss and sometimes long for. sometimes there are still things that i need to keep to myself - not forever, not because he couldn't handle them, but because i still have the responsibility of knowing my own heart before God and that can only be done in silence, alone. my emotional needs are so much less pressing now that they're mostly met; sometimes i forget that i still have them.

this week was just too busy. i had my board exams, coincidentally, on the same day that my husband had a huge event for work, one that he was in charge of. where in the past, we've been each other's right-hand-man in such situations, the bad timing meant that we both had to muscle through weeks of preparation alone. and we did, and both seemed to come off without a hitch, but this weekend we've found ourselves exhausted and not quite being able to get back on the same page. and why? i don't know, but i think it has something to do with realizing that even though we're desperately in love and finally married, we're still not enough for each other all the time. we still need God standing between us to take up the space when our individual lives get a little too hard. so we live together, and love each other, and pull for each other when things get hard....and end up still needing God in the end. amen.