something is wrong when 40 degrees feels positively balmy. i drove to school and thought maybe spring was tiptoeing in, groundhog-shadow or no groundhog-shadow. i get this feeling every year, when the snow melts down to a few scattered patches and the sky stops being so gray, and it might take a hundred words to describe it the right way...or i could just call it hope. hope is one of my favorite words. it's still cold, but that's alright. it will probably snow a few more times, and that's alright too. winter's already losing it's grip, and soon flowers will live again, and i will be able to be outside and not be ice-cubed in the process. i hear God better outside. i breathe better outside. can i go outside? maybe soon, andrea, maybe soon.

i'm feeling like a bull in a china shop lately - another reason why i could use some fresh air. i try to be careful, but i just can't seem to turn around without knocking something off a shelf. there are people that do this with flair; i do it awkwardly at best. i want to be a woman who is careful with her words, but how many times have i remembered too late? i want to be careful with my actions, but actions are always so open to mis-interpretation. i want to be gentle but not to be walked on, to be giving but not to be robbed...and so i find myself doing this awkward dance in my little china shop of friends, always shattering the breakables and noticing just a moment too late. ole. most of these failures are only seen by me, but still i've spent much of the day searching for a mental broom.

until i'm more graceful, i'll be here writing, hoping you understand.