i spent the evening at panera with some friends, studying histology and some biochemistry. i knew stuff. i felt smart. that doesn't happen all that often in this stage of the game; i relished the feeling. now three cups of coffee later, i'm lying on my bed and waiting for that sleepy feeling to come back. i push it away all day long, and then at the end of the day, when i'm allowed to let sleep overtake me, i want to stay up and enjoy the stillness. there's something amazing about giving yourself the permission to close your eyes. another feeling to relish. outside, the night sky is raining a cold rain, and sleep is finally coming.