get some

being a good resident is easy.  you just do what you're told, when you're told, and you pretend it was easy.  if accomplishing those things means that you have to stay up all night for three days in a row and sell your firstborn child in the process, then you do, and moreover, you don't mention it.  read and repeat for several years in a row, and as long as you're reasonably intelligent, you'll graduate.

being a good attending is a bit stickier, at least for me right now.  for one thing, i'm in a fellowship, which is this amalgam of training + attendingship.  no call, no weekends, and no holidays means my schedule is even better than the schedule of most attendings.  but i'm still making pennies while my loans are in forbearance, and i'm still doing as i'm told, although what i'm told is much less imposing than it used to be.  most confusing for me right now is my position as a future employee of the same institution where i did my training.  i'm still waiting for my contact to be drafted, to do the obligatory once-over with a lawyer to make sure it's all square, but i know the men i'm working for, and they're like fathers to me.  they've been mentoring me for years now.

and therein lies the problem.  my future senior colleagues are just men, and although i respect them infinitely, it's my responsibility now to ask for what i want.  inevitably, this will mean that sometimes i'll want something that conflicts with what they want.  in fact, this is happening right now.  i find myself, three short weeks out from the 'yes sir, yes sir, i'll get it done' phase of my training, trying to grow some balls and tell these guys what i want.

so, balls.  i need to get some and speak up this week.  and....here we go.