to be unrehearsed

"...our most 'telling' remarks fall flat, and our most unrehearsed and immature thoughts bear fruit. people's lives are changed by casual sayings they misunderstand or mishear." -simon tugwell

we had guests over for dinner last night. my personal demons always seize these opportunities to whisper to me about the huge scratches in our cheap kitchen table, the post-it notes i habitually leave on walls, the cramped feeling of rearranged furniture so that we can all sit together in one small room. my energies prepare to be spent on self-conscious servitude and ego-protective conversation. i call it progress to watch myself notice these things, to refuse the extra energy they take when i am given the choice.

today, remembering last night and a hundred other moments where God shows up in spite of my energy, i am glad to remember that my unrehearsed self is always better than the self that takes down the post-its before guests arrive.